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class="desc"><h3><a href="../dump/college" class="internal">college</a></h3></div><p class="meta"><time datetime="2025-06-14T08:15:47.000Z">Jun 14, 2025</time></p><ul class="tags"><li><a class="internal tag-link" href="../tags/irl">irl</a></li><li><a class="internal tag-link" href="../tags/drain-dump">drain-dump</a></li></ul></div></li></ul></div><div class="explorer" data-behavior="link" data-collapsed="collapsed" data-savestate="true" data-data-fns="{"order":["filter","map","sort"],"sortFn":"(a,b)=>!a.isFolder&&!b.isFolder||a.isFolder&&b.isFolder?a.displayName.localeCompare(b.displayName,void 0,{numeric:!0,sensitivity:\"base\"}):!a.isFolder&&b.isFolder?1:-1","filterFn":"node=>node.slugSegment!==\"tags\"","mapFn":"node=>node"}"><button type="button" class="explorer-toggle mobile-explorer hide-until-loaded" data-mobile="true" aria-controls="explorer-content"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" 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stroke-linejoin="round" class="folder-icon"><polyline points="6 9 12 15 18 9"></polyline></svg><div><button class="folder-button"><span class="folder-title"></span></button></div></div><div class="folder-outer"><ul class="content"></ul></div></li></template></div></div><div class="center"><div class="page-header"><div class="popover-hint"><nav class="breadcrumb-container" aria-label="breadcrumbs"><div class="breadcrumb-element"><a href="../">Home</a><p> ❯ </p></div><div class="breadcrumb-element"><a href="../horrors/">horrors</a><p> ❯ </p></div><div class="breadcrumb-element"><a href>dysfunction of the executive variety</a></div></nav><h1 class="article-title">dysfunction of the executive variety</h1><p show-comma="true" class="content-meta"><time datetime="2025-06-14T06:32:26.000Z">Jun 14, 2025</time><span>2 min read</span></p></div></div><article class="popover-hint"><p>i don’t know why. but for some i can never get finish a project that needs to be done. i can start it maybe, if somehow, magically, i get the urge to do it, but good luck to me to try and complete it.</p>
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<p>well. except if there’s a really soon deadline, which makes me want to kill myself the entire time, but usually at last minute i manage to GRIND through everything and finish it. not greatly, but most of the time just good enough. i don’t know why i wait until last minute, i don’t know how i do good at things last minute, everything sucks. i wish to put efforts into things and take my time to finish them properly. i can’t even do projects that i DO actually feel like doing and completing but can’t because “oh, you have important things to do first, you should do them before getting to these”</p>
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<p>… okay, i DO know why i’m like this. i have untreated adhd and is possibly autistic, every time i try to ask for help, people seem to never understand me or it happens to be people who are in the same boat suffering.</p>
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<p>everytime i try to figure out more about myself in this manner, i kinda just end up punching myself. it feels like not much really changes either way, and that everytime i try to look for more reasons of why “I’m Right”, it ends up just being something to claim as “excuses for me being lazy”.</p>
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<p>but. eh.</p>
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<p>again, nobody understands. especially being surrounded by my parents who think everything that happens with me happens because i’m a “Misbehaving Child”, so i’m kinda just left to believe i’m fucked up and not normal and want to hurt myself over the fact that i can’t do anything right…?</p>
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