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Return to Homepagei don’t know why. but for some i can never get finish a project that needs to be done. i can start it maybe, if somehow, magically, i get the urge to do it, but good luck to me to try and complete it.
+well. except if there’s a really soon deadline, which makes me want to kill myself the entire time, but usually at last minute i manage to GRIND through everything and finish it. not greatly, but most of the time just good enough. i don’t know why i wait until last minute, i don’t know how i do good at things last minute, everything sucks. i wish to put efforts into things and take my time to finish them properly. i can’t even do projects that i DO actually feel like doing and completing but can’t because “oh, you have important things to do first, you should do them before getting to these”
+… okay, i DO know why i’m like this. i have untreated adhd and is possibly autistic, every time i try to ask for help, people seem to never understand me or it happens to be people who are in the same boat suffering.
+everytime i try to figure out more about myself in this manner, i kinda just end up punching myself. it feels like not much really changes either way, and that everytime i try to look for more reasons of why “I’m Right”, it ends up just being something to claim as “excuses for me being lazy”.
+but. eh.
+again, nobody understands. especially being surrounded by my parents who think everything that happens with me happens because i’m a “Misbehaving Child”, so i’m kinda just left to believe i’m fucked up and not normal and want to hurt myself over the fact that i can’t do anything right…?
+i guess with all of this to say, thanks to everyone who sticks with me. and for trying to help. i appreciate it. i just suck at words.
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if you know me, i am probably one of the most autistic and mentally unstable fucks out there that feels like i have no voice whatsoever and is afraid to speak to anything physically because it feels like everyone around me is just going to say the same unhelpful things that make me want to kill myself on the inside. or maybe you don’t, because i don’t think i actually really actually talk about this subject directly, and i just made up this label for myself like, right now, and i feel like its pretty accurate.
+i think it’s safe to say that my dad probably played a major part is kinda just. Being a bad parent? and you’re probably saying “hating your parents is shitty to be honest you’re probably just a shitty spoiled child” or “Ohhhh nooooo you must always love your parents no matter what ❤️” and, while yes, i do kind of agree with these takes, i think some of issues still also stem from my dad kinda just Sucking at taking care of me.
+my dad is the one who got me into computers, taught me many things other parents probably usually don’t teach their kids, and things like that. i can’t hate him for that, otherwise i’d be a completely different person (or otherwise, just Not here at all.)
+but. i will say. maybe a bit TMI for him, but he was definitely abused as a child and doesn’t see it. he acknowledges being “Broken” from his mom and as of recently shows heavy signs of said brokenness, but still considers her to be a great parent for borderline abusing the family to grow up and “Be Successful”
+without a doubt, he definitely tried doing the same to me. and for a while i thought it was also good parenting , before realizing, well. Not really. it hurt me a lot more than help, especially after realizing, and after that, i just lost all faith in my dad. i know what he’s going through, he isn’t well at all, and won’t last much longer, but. i can’t look at him the same anything. i can’t handle him. i just can’t deal with him anymore.
+and this isn’t just a case of “I just really don’t like him actually”, there has been multiple times where he treated me like shit, talked behind my back to my mother claiming that me failing to do something simple means I’m Lazy and that I Can’t Think and that I’m Stupid, not to mention the two times where i failed to do something basic and he told me that he “Prays to God” everyday to “Give up on me”. not to mention the Car Battery incident.
+it was only until a bit later where i did end up getting diagnosed with adhd, and for that reason every time i screw something up and i tell him that i do have a completely, valid reason for messing up and not being able to change, it’s always “well you’ve been able to do it before, so this is just excuses.”
+i don’t feel safe around him, pretty much. i can’t say anything because it always falls back to me being stupid or lazy or something, and everyone i try to talk to just doesn’t seem to entirely understand the situation. i’d say he’d even pretty much corrupted me, i know everything he says about me is bullshit, but i keep continuing to internalize it and break down and wonder why i can’t do things because he’s always done it to me since my entire life and i just never realized it’s actually a bad thing.
+i just wish to get away from him. to be somewhere safe. i guess. or just to be with someone who can properly understand me.
+++ +++ +this is Old
++++this is an old vent i made back in 8/5/24, not that anything is really invalid here or anything, but just note that is isn’t anything new (depending on how/when you’re reading this)
+
yesterday we came back from vacation. it was fun, but somehow as soon as we got home the tire ran over the car itself and tore off a good chunk of the shell(? not sure how to speak in car terms) so we spent the night fixing it. my mom insisted that it would be better to do it tomorrow instead of tonight since everyone was tired, including him, but decided to do it anyways.
+the issues began here! he constantly complained about how nobody helps him or has no support and complains about what easily makes him tired, except he does not, at all, communicate with us and for some god forsaken reason tries to just use gestures or hope that we will help because we notice him struggling, then complains when we don’t. like hello??? we’re right fucking there please just talk to us.
+what bothers me more is that for some reason he literally refuses to communicate with me directly. he will sometimes use my help, but instead of talking to me for help, he instead asks my mom to tell me to do something for him. which is actually beyond fucking stupid because between me and my mom there is a massive language barrier. then he gets pissed and does everything himself whenever we fail to communicate well to do something.
+this was already hell enough but even though we did get it … mostly fixed in the end but my mother still refused to take it to work because she wanted us to fix some other parts that were broken, but did not need to be fixed for her to drive it. so we decided to check another car we had that we didn’t use because the battery in said car was fucked. of course, yes. it was fucked. so we made a quick trip to walmart (at this point it was like 9:30, almost 10 pm) to buy a car battery. after all that time we got home and realized we fucked up. my dad rants about how he has nobody to support or help him.
+once again
+we do not know what you need if you literally REFUSE to fucking say anything !! how can one be so stupid. we went back to refund it, no go because it was too late and they were already closing everything. so we wait til tomorrow.
+and that was that day. today (8/5/24) we did some chores of paying bills and going to doctors, refunding the battery we bought and stuff, then we checked on the other car batteries. it was fine for the most part, until we went to the third store. for some reason, my dad wanted to get a battery that had the same exactly issue with the last one (the positive and negative terminals/poles on the batteries were swapped so we couldn’t actually connect it) despite the fact that we went to the previous stores and seemingly agreed that we want one that we can easily just pop in and have work. but no. this time, he thinks that its fine if we swap the battery.
+which, okay, it might. but.
+why the FUCK didn’t you do that with the previous fucking battery we bought holy SHIT . we already refunded that shit and we could have just done that but instead he decides to just argue with me on this at the store. he gets to the point where he does his classic “i’m glad you aren’t helping me because you suck at supporting me” and argues about how i suck at learning or following directions with “flipping” and stuff. and i understood everything he said. actually no, i understood that but nothing about the battery. and of course, when its over, silent treatment, he calls my mom and talk shit behind my back and tell her about my much i suck at helping.
+then i realize, maybe i’m not a actually a failure. maybe i don’t want to kill myself, but maybe just like. get rid of him. he fucking sucks. he refuses to acknowledge that my disabilities, both diagnosed and possibly undiagnosed, makes me suck at doing things. and its worse because again, he refuses to acknowledge that, and he keeps trying the same style of teaching/telling me things which NEVER FUCKING WORKED FOR THE PAST 10 OR SO YEARS. and he STILL doesn’t fucking get it. he doesn’t realize that the fucking shit he tells me makes me so fucking miserable to live with him. he doesn’t realize its probably him for the reason of why i have suicidal thoughts or even am in therapy/counseling. he just fucking ignores it all.
+so like. yeah. fuck him i guess
+i should have told him something, but i’m afraid of the “outcomes” especially since i’m 18 now and i’m pretty sure he could just kick me out of the house or whatever if he wanted to. and it was in public anyways, that would have looked horrible. sorry i failed that part, but still, fucking hell.
treat this space as an endless journal (or as others call it, my “digital garden”) for myself that i expose to the internet. most of the time it will just be random thoughts, journaling and other sorts of mumbo jumbos that comes out of my brain. i may also do full blog posts and guides from time to time as well.
+i try my best to sort my pages into separate categories:
+this page is powered by quartz, and is fed by an obsidian vault.
++++ +++ +some notices about this page
+++++
+- quartz has accessibility issues that i cannot control. +
++
+- unless there is other software like quartz i can use that won’t have these issues, this and other pages here will continue to be generated with quartz.
+- yes, my main site is generated with eleventy, but i failed to understand how to properly convert markdown files into full blogs and no existing examples actually helped bring me closer to understanding how to make it work.
+- this is my comfort zone. i will type everything in the way i feel like doing so, such as how all of this text is uncapitalized. i might make some “proper” pages from time to time, but again, my comfort zone.
+
if you don’t think you’d want here, feel free to head back. no hard feelings.
welcome to a little dumb guide for something because i decided to try it out, realized it’s not that bad, and want to share my methods. turning windows 11 into something sorta like windows 7.
+this guide just needs patience mainly, nothing here should be too difficult, just a bit time consuming.
++++ +++ +a few notes
++++this was only tested on the latest current version of windows 11 pro, 24H2, as a 64-bit operating system. compatibility with older versions, any version of windows 10, or other system architectures have not been tested by me, and i’d recommend not attempting either unless you know what you’re doing. (especially for arm, i’m pretty sure like one or two applications here will break if attempted on arm windows.)
+i consider this guide “half-assed” because this honestly does the job “good enough” to get it looking like windows 7, and honestly, on the surface, does look exactly like windows 7, but the more you poke at it, the more the skin kinda reveals itself. it’s possible to get way better, even 1-to-1 results of a transformation like this, but this is more of a “doing things manually because you don’t trust transformation packs or perhaps dealing with the whole “messing around with system files” type of thing” guide as i’m trying my best to use utilities that aren’t trying going to make your windows install explode after an update or something and at worst will just disable themselves to prevent things from breaking.
+
+++ +++ +i am not responsible if anything breaks on your system
++++i am simply sharing my methods of getting this to work. you as the reader has chosen to follow this, before you actually start doing anything here, consider if you want to begin and please understand the risks that come with this. damage can be prevented if you ensure you’ve taken the necessary steps to save yourself.
+
i personally haven’t been able to find a decent, modern method of getting windows 7 icons without finding some really old applications that haven’t been touched or some utility that screams “Malware” or a utility that requires payment. i’ll continue to look around, but for now, windows 11 icons are what we’re stuck with.
+i’ll just be using the windows 11 fonts here. i won’t bother to replace or use the windows 7 fonts on the UI or anything, i just simply don’t really care about that.
+i don’t see a reason to install the windows 7 applications, so i’m not going to. there a lot of methods to getting windows 7 applications on the latest version of windows, like this one, if you prefer that.
+before we actually begin with anything,
+it’s worth noting that i am not trying to go for the “Stock Windows 7” look here, this setup is intended to be compatible with your current customizations (such as your own cursors, colors, sounds etc.)
+make a system restore point before continuing on. otherwise if something goes wrong, you’re fucked. just search up “Create a restore point” and open the result that comes up, click “Create” near the bottom of the new window that pops up and follow the instructions.
+completely optional, but if you’d like, you can grab the windows 7 sounds uploaded onto the internet archive as a zip file on the right side and extract them.
+open C:\Windows\Media in another window/tab, and from the folder you’ve just extracted, copy all of the folders inside of it straight into the Media folder. write into the existing folders (they have nothing in them, anyways).
make a new folder inside of the Media folder, call it Windows 7 for conveniences sake, and copy all of the audio files inside of the extracted folder into the new Windows 7 folder we just made.
sadly, setting sounds are manual and there doesn’t seem to be a way of easily automating setup, but we can use this list provided by konsti to apply the sounds appropriately.
+open up “Sound settings” by searching for it, which should land you in the Settings app. scroll down until you find More sound settings near the bottom, which should open up the control panel version of the sounds settings. click the Sounds tab at the top of that window, click on a sound in the “Program Events” list, click the Browse... button, and navigate into the folder of whichever sound scheme you like to choose under C:\Windows\Media. use the following list to set the correct sounds:
| sound | file name |
|---|---|
| Asterisk | Windows Error.wav |
| Critical Battery Alarm | Windows Battery Critical.wav |
| Critical Stop | Windows Critical Stop.wav |
| Default Beep | Windows Ding.wav |
| Device Connect | Windows Hardware Insert.wav |
| Device Disconnect | Windows Hardware Remove.wav |
| Device Failed to Connect | Windows Hardware Fail.wav |
| Exclamation | Windows Exclamation.wav |
| Low Battery Alarm | Windows Battery Low.wav |
| Message Nudge | Windows Balloon.wav |
| New Mail Notification | Windows Notify.wav |
| New Text Message Notification | Windows Balloon.wav |
| Notification | Windows Balloon.wav |
| Print Complete | Windows Print Complete.wav |
| Program Error | Windows Critical Stop.wav |
| Question | Windows Exclamation.wav |
| System Notification | Windows Ding.wav |
| Windows User Account Control | Windows User Account Control.wav |
| Blocked Pop-up Window | Windows Pop-up Blocked.wav |
| Empty Recycle Bin | Windows Recycle.wav |
| Notification Bar | Windows Pop-up Blocked.wav |
| Start Navigation | Windows Navigation Start.wav |
any sound not mentioned or left unmodified should be ignored.
+once done, click Save As... near the top and save it with the name as the sound scheme you have chosen, then click Apply to set the sounds.
also entirely optional, if you’d like the windows 7 cursors, you may download them here with the zip option on the right, and extract them. go into the extracted folder, into Windows 7, right click the Install.inf file and click Install in the context menu. search for “Change how the mouse pointer looks when it’s moving” in your start menu, and open the result that should appear, go into the Pointers tab on the top of the window, and choose Windows 7 in the list, ensure Enable pointer shadow is enabled and click Apply.
this is the theme itself that will give us the windows 7 look and feel on the actual applications themselves. this must be applied after we finish stage one of our installations and configurations, so for now, just download the latest release and keep it in your Downloads folder.
+we’ll actually start things off with DWMBlurGlass. this is the utility that will give us the blur and transparency behind windows and emulate the aero glass feeling.
+first, head off into their releases and grab the latest x64 zip. extract the zip, go inside of it and rename the Release folder to something more friendly, like DWMBlurGlass, then go ahead and move it into the root of the C: drive.
now open C:\DWMBlurGlass\DWMBlurGlass.exe, a new window with settings and such should appear. click on the Symbol tab at the top of the screen, and click the Download button. once it’s finished, go back to the General tab and click the Install button at the top of the window. below that should be Effect Settings, go ahead and toggle on Enable Aero reflection effect, Restore Win7 style titlebar button size and Enable Win7 style titlebar button glow. click the little floppy disk next to the minimize / close button on the top right of the window to save and apply your settings.
you may also go into the Advanced tab at the top of the window and enable Use Accent color to override color settings RGB to use your windows accent color settings as the titlebar colors instead of having to manually mess around with the accent color settings (although the latter may give better results in most cases.)
if everything is applied correctly, all of your windows should have proper aero transparency! excuse the weird button controls on the windows, as its required for the theme to look as close as possible to actual windows 7.
+this application is going to do all of heavy lifting for us in terms of the start menu and taskbar. go ahead and download it from it their site and install it. it’s worth noting that it’s a free trial, with 100 days remaining. if you Know How To Use A Search Engine And Regedit you can easily reset the trial if you must, although the application is just $5 and is pretty good, so if you want to support the developer, that’s another route.
+once installed, explorer should restart and the taskbar may look different. right click the taskbar and click “Properties” at the bottom of the context menu. a new window should appear with the StartAllBack settings and take you to its “Welcome” tab. just select Remastered 7 on this screen and it’ll give us a pretty good setup similar to windows 7, including all of little details like the volume and calendar widgets.
you may poke around with the other settings to your liking, but this is all we have to do here.
+this is basically a “Mod Manager”, if you will, for windows. it includes other things if you’d like to browser its mods and tinker with it, but we’re just going to need it for one thing related to getting the proper border style back on windows. download it from the website and install it. we’ll come back to this one later as well.
+this is the application required for actually applying the theme. download its latest release (amd64 if x64, the other options if you’re attempting this on another architecture) and extract the folder. rename the folder to something more friendly, like SecureUxTheme and move it to the root of the C: drive, just like DWMBlurGlass.
now’s the point to save everything you have open and close them, open up C:\SecureUxTheme\ThemeTool.exe as administrator, agree to the warning that pops up, and click Install on the right side of the window, within the “Installation” group. when it’s done, reboot your system. this is required.
once rebooted, we can now continue to finish theming it.
+go back to where you’ve stored the Aero7-11 archive and extract it. inside of the folder(s, may or may not be double foldered) should be multiple folders and readme text files.
+go into the “1 - Theme” folder, copy all of the contents inside of that folder (which should consist of multiple .theme files and 2 folders) straight into C:\Windows\Resources\Themes. once that’s done:
go and run C:\SecureUxTheme\ThemeTool.exe as administrator as from earlier, accept the warning, and choose Aero 7-11 Square in the list. below the list, feel free to toggle on Ignore background, Ignore cursor, Ignore color and Ignore sound to save the customization that we’ve made / you’d like to keep. click on the Apply button next to the options to apply the theme. and your windows should start to look a lot more like windows 7 now! there’s just one more step.
go back into the Aero7-11 folder, and go into the “2 - Borders” folder and inside of that, go into the “Windhawk Mod” folder.
+open up Windhawk itself, and click the Settings button in the top right, click on Advanced settings near the bottom, scroll down and click on More advanced settings once more. in the new window that appears, scroll down and find “Process inclusion list” and add dwm.exe into the list, then click Save and restart Windhawk.
once Windhawk restarts and opens itself up, click the Create a New Mod button on the bottom right, if a popup appears, click on Begin coding or anything similar to that. in the new coding window, delete all of the default contents. go back into the Aero7-11 folder, open the “Mod.wh.cpp” file in something like notepad, and copy all of the contents inside of that file into the Windhawk coding window. click Compile Mod on the left and let it finish. when it’s done, click Exit Editing Mode and it should be enabled! if not, enable it.
and that’s it! windows should mostly be looking like windows 7 now, with some minor issues and strange things here and there, but its mostly windows 7!
+the window buttons may be touching right against the corner / edge of the window, which looks Bad. it’s possible to “Fix” this by going back into the DWMBlurGlass settings and disabling Restore Win7 style titlebar button size, although then you’ll end up with inaccurate looking buttons, so it’s a “Pick your poison” type of deal here
i don’t have any closing words or anything here, i hope you enjoy the windows 7 theme i guess. i’ll update this if there’s anything new or anything that needs to be fixed. feel free to contact me via whatever is on my site.
1 item under this folder.
+++ +++ +just a notice before anything
++++this isn’t a replacement for my actual lore/sona page over at https://synth.download/me/ruben/, this is just a testing and thought-dumping ground for figuring out any “Lore” and facts about how ruben works and how he generally is as a synth. once i’m happy with what i have here, i’ll probably update the page above with the correct information as here and delete this page. +making this public just to have the “Updated” lore.
+and if it wasn’t obvious, yes, ruben is me, i am ruben. i’m treating “Ruben” as a character but i’m trying my best to actually make us identical here. and to what i would prefer if i had the actual chance of “which body would you like and what would you like to do for a living”
+
+++ +++ +okay cool, now the warning
++++this page includes certain fetishes, mainly things heavily themed around fat, and some toppings of vore here and there. there may also being in general some Weird notes or other details here as well. nothing here is exactly nsfw or explicit, but please prepare yourself for these subjects. or just get off if you don’t wanna see it. up to you.
+
ruben is a fat synth. but also quite a specialized one.
+he was made with the specific purpose of being able to handle large amounts/volumes of digital data, whether its storing the data on himself or doing massive file transfers directly between two devices! just not really in a professional setting, he helps out his friends instead… and is also mainly lazy, and chills with the skills of “average hobbyist selfhoster”.
+from his purpose, that’s mainly why he’s fat (and shows interest in gaining lots of weight and mass). his body stores a lot of data and energy, possible due to his body having another set of tissues which is compatible with storing and processing data! and that’s work well with the main special thing here:
+ruben’s big gut and chest are made entirely of goo! and it’s not just one goo - there’s actually two layers of it inside, layered on top of each other. the outer layer, the thing you’re pretty much always going to look at unless you decide to get inside of ruben, is a thick layer of energy! it just stores energy to save for ruben. on the inner layer, is the goo substance that handles various data processing as well as storage. they both sit inside of a tightly sealed goo container which also allows them to convert and transfer energy/data between the goo and the synth tissues, and vice versa.
+the data processing goo has an outer shell that makes it hard to penetrate through (although can manually disable it, and usually does if a friend wants to be inside of him via entering straight from his goo), the data is safely stored together in tightly formed “clumps”, not that they’re visible to anyone when inside nor can exactly be felt. and with the energy layer on top serving as extra protection, he is quite safe from possible data corruption or anything of the like, at least in terms of the goo section of him.
+along with that, the inner data processing layer of ruben also serves as his stomach, as well as just being a comfy place for his friends to chill in. any “foreign objects” that enter it (e.g food or creatures) will have it’s own flexible shell formed around it to try and prevent any extra damage that could happen with floating around within the same space of data. the data processing function can also “digest” said “foreign objects” into data, if said data isn’t found to be useful when stored, it automatically gets marked as “garbage data” for him and can be processed into energy instead.
+the outer layer energy goo is completely safe to eat if desired, and changes flavor/colors depending on his mood, so feel free to get some bites out of him!
+ruben is fully capable of digesting normal foods (although, is unable to digest metals or anything of the sort). he can also belch and release gas (not through the other end though, ) and has emulated stomach sounds and grumbling. this isn’t required at all for him or anything, he just thinks it’s fun to have, especially to tease some friends with~
+his head (the top part) mostly consists of the visor, taking up most of the front of the head. it shows the basics, his eyes, the nostrils (which are there! just snuck a bit under where they’re shown on the visor) as well as also being capable of displaying the current statuses for energy/charge levels and how much files and how many gigabytes/terabytes are stored on him. he has little discs attached on the side of his head, mounted near towards the back end of his visor, which have a display embedded in them. his antennas are also attached to said discs, which give his antennas mobility and allow them to move a bit.
+ruben, unlike other synths, is fully capable of running actual, computer software! he can run hypervisors with whatever operating system and has compatibility layers for both x86_64 and arm64! (we notice he seems to prefer arm64 whenever possible, assuming it’s probably more efficient)
+…we’re still unsure how he can do that, but it seems to most likely be a component somewhere in him that extends his current abilities with extra and proper hardware. we’ve also noticed that his “firmware”, if you will, is also a bit more advanced than other synths, but still relatively minimal.
+he gives out remote access to his body and systems to his friends, most of the time using it for, proper things, other times just to bloat him up for the hell of it. (not that he doesn’t like it~)
+oh, he also likes being fattened up to hell. give him some zip bombs or overcharge him or something, he’ll be the perfect goobed~
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